The Scientific Stages of the First Blog Post

I

Cliche comment about how cliche it is to write a blog. I try to get across that I'm perfectly aware that I'm making myself vulnerable unto the scrutiny of those vicious commenters. I hope to thus stun the crowd with my insight. A mixture of modesty and ego.

Example: Yes. Another blog. . . Another blog in which the blogger will write about stuff that annoys her, stuff that she finds funny, stuff that she's made, stuff that she freaks out about. Another blog, but mine is more spectacular than all the rest, as you will see.

II

Welcome anyway, even though I laugh at myself for being cliche. ha! ha! Though I don't think so, or else I wouldn't be writing so much about myself.

III

Hopes and dreams for my little Baby blog. This blog will magically motivate me to write more often and be more cleverer than in real life. I just want to share my gift of inspiration. (A noble cause, no doubt!)

IV

This paragraph is me through my eyes and what I want your eyes to behold when you read this blog. Often contains introductions to the author's family and pets, many sentences starting with "I love ___." to show how original they are to love that particular item/craft/food/animal. Blunt sentences, apparently very honest and sure to give you deep insights into the mind of the author.

Ex: I am obsessed with the movie Pete's Dragon. I love mouse pads. My favorite food is cream of wheat.

V

Insincere apologetic comment on length and inane content.

Ex: Here I go again! Blabbing about myself! I bet you're bored! Tee hee!

VI

A small chuckle at themselves and pointing out that this is a foretaste of posts to come.

Ex: Might as well get used to it! I'm just like this all the time!

VII

Second thoughts. Stay and listen to me! I'm boring, but you hafta listen! It'll get better! I promise!

IX

May or may not conclude with a name.

Ex: XOXOXOX (gag),

The Sew-sew Crafty Thrifting Vintage Thread Girl

I hope you realize that this is said with the utmost snark, considering I just described every first blog post of my life. There have been many, my friends. They're the best.