Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Husband Short List: The True Non-Negotiable

I have written my thoughts on an article, entitled "The Husband List: 12 Non-Negotiables." Several of my friends shared this piece and I found that I had too many thoughts to simply write a comment (didn't wanna spam anyone). I'd like to say that this sort of thinking really concerns me. The focus is completely skewed and I believe it can be very harmful to my single friends.
It sets up this false idea that:
1) God has preordained a sinless male akin to pre-fall Adam with great hair and acute insight into the female mind to sweep you off your feet.
 2) God doesn’t quite know what your preferences are, so you should write a list so He can get it all right.
 3) Once you know what you want and have it written down specifically He’ll send you that guy in 7-15 business days. Satisfaction guaranteed. No returns, because he’ll be flawless.

Please know that I say this with great love for my fellow Christian sisters and the author of this article, as well as prayers for joy and contentment in their lives and vocations. 
(I apologize for any misspellings or grammar mistakes...perhaps blogging while doing laundry while nursing while eating lunch while changing a diaper is more ambitious than I thought...) 


*   *   *

Standards are great. This is a list of wonderful traits for any man to have. I really hope we all get spouses with these qualities. By all means, DON’T give your heart to just any fella who comes around. Good advice. But the one thing that is missing from this article is FORGIVENESS.
The woman in search of a good husband should realize that any man she marries will be a dirty rotten sinner. He might be humble, but not all the time. He might be slow to anger, but not all the time.
If the man she’s interested in has frequent fits of violent rage she should stay away. Of course. If he doesn’t have any desire to protect and provide for his family, then she should drop him and run. But ANY man on this earth is going to be a rotten husband once in a while. He will grow, he will learn. He won’t start out as a good husband because he has probably never been a husband before. He will be so bad at it.
The number one most important thing for a woman to look for in a husband is faith in Christ’s forgiveness and the desire to forgive. That is what she should pray for.
 

This article fails to mention that sometimes the wife will have to teach her husband. One of the “non-negotiables” on this list is that this perfect husband candidate should “Romance” you. Guess what! Some men don’t spout out poetry and can’t tell a rose from a daffodil. This is something you might have to help him with. Tell him what you like, or what you find romantic. It doesn’t make it any less romantic!
Please, if you want to get married, don’t make this one of your non-negotiable qualities. Use your common sense. Surround yourself with intelligent people like your parents if you don’t trust yourself to know if he’s a loser or not. Find a man who is willing to learn and grow and love you, and the only thing that matters is that he strives to love you as Christ loves the Church- the rest follows.

Sure, write a list of those virtues that you want in a husband then work on those traits yourself. YOU keep yourself out of tempting situations, YOU seek mentors, YOU be slow to anger, YOU be humble and admit that you’re wrong because YOU WILL fail at this impossible list. You will need that forgiveness that is first and foremost in God’s desire for you. So pray that God gives you the strength to love and forgive your future husband, just as He forgives you.

She left forgiveness out of the scripture she quoted as well.
In Mark 10:46-52 Jesus heals blind Bartimaeus. Jesus asks him what he wants. He then heals the man and tells him "Your faith has made you well." This is like earlier in Mark when Jesus heals the paralytic. Jesus “sees his faith” and then *forgives his sin*. When Jesus asks Bartimaeus what he wants, Jesus is talking about his soul, his unclean heart full of sin. When Jesus says that Bartimaeus has been made “well”, He is saying that his sins have been forgiven, as well as his eyes.
The author of this article is using this passage out of context. Jesus is talking about faith and forgiveness, this woman is talking about preferences and requests to God.
Yes, God desires to give us all good things, but (as Miss Dorr writes here) He does not promise a husband with a good work ethic. He promises forgiveness, because that is the MOST IMPORTANT NON-NEGOTIABLE.
Jesus asks us, “What do you want?” We say, “a six-four dark-haired brown-eyed husband with a good work ethic, oh, and without any sin.”
He gives us eternal life and forgiveness instead. Thank God!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

In Which the Author Muddles Through an Explanation

I went back and forth on attempting to write a post today. Then I glanced at the last post and realized that it has been two years on the day since then. It is fate. It is a sign. The sign of a lazy blogger.
Perhaps I can explain by pointing out several big fat time consuming things I have accomplished since the last time I wrote.
Oh, goodness. I take back the words, "I have accomplished." What has happened in my life is the result of a merciful, generous and wonderful Heavenly Father who lavishes His Grace and blessings on me. Not my doing.

Here are some of the gifts I have been given in the past two years. There are many, but the big four are the following.

-Husband. Quite unsuspectingly I was snatched up in a friendship that turned into a fianceeship that turned into a marriage. I now find myself married for just over a year to a dashingly handsome fellow who surprises me every day with his patience, kindness, and ability to make ridiculous puns and delicious food. We were married at my home congregation on July 27th, 2012, amongst beaming family and friends.

-Missionary family. My father was given a call to serve the Lutheran Church in Sri Lanka, and my mother and two brothers were set into a flurry of fundraising and road trips all over the country to do so. They are currently waiting for the go-ahead to deploy (or to be deplorable, as they fondly say), which will hopefully happen within the next few months, depending on visas.

-Child. One year ago yesterday my husband bought me flowers, orange juice, and a pregnancy test. Not long after we saw our little son, only three centimeters big, on the ultrasound-ten weeks old. Little C is a third of a year old today. No, he wasn’t planned, no, he wasn’t a surprise, yes, he is a good baby, and I’d rather not talk about how he sleeps. He is smiley and bright-eyed and more than sufficiently chubby. I find myself happily living out my days as a stay at home momma and wife, naively starting things like knitting projects and blogs, thinking I’ll have time for them. 


-Hearth and Home. The whereabouts of my current life is St. Louis. Not long after that whole getting married thing my husband and I (and in-the-womb bambino) had a crazy few months of wandering and ended up in St. Louis, MO. We have an increasingly home-y apartment and my husband has a brilliant job as a dining services manager at a local schnazzy nursing home. We are not far from his family, and have a lovely church family.

Now, my friends, this post may have many to follow, but perhaps not. I shall give you no promises, for promises are, I have been told, as pie crusts. Easily made and just as easily filled with syrupy berries and devoured with voracity. Or however the saying goes.
Cheers.
This beautiful piece hangs above my nursing chair.